Extracurricular Teaching

Yesterday, as I was explaining the difference between a sweatshirt and a sweater to no less than seven very confused students, I realized I'm only a part-time Spanish teacher. Here are some other things your tax dollars have paid for me to teach the youth of America:

• Our Independence Day (they thought it was in November? Or August? maybe in the 1830s?)
• A toucan is a tropical bird (Like the Froot Loops bird!)
• Horizontal goes sideways. Vertical goes up and down.
  
• One never asks a woman if she is pregnant. Even if it seems obvious. A polite lady or gentleman waits to be informed by the woman herself, then acts surprised.
• Aforementioned polite ladies and gentlemen also never say, "You look tired." They say, "You look fantastic as usual, but you seem a little tired today."
• Is is a verb.
  
• Vermicomposting will be unsuccessful outside in a Spokane winter.
• Spaniards speak Spanish too... not just Mexicans.
• You should capitalize your name. And other people's names.
• Tittie Twisters are not appropriate in a professional environment.
• All prosthetic limbs (namely ears and legs) must not be flung across a classroom or used to hit classmates.

I'll let your imaginations fill in the blanks for each of those specific circumstances.